The Death of the Manly Man in America

Recently, I was at my favorite soup and sandwich place, enjoying lunch outside with the warm sunshine and light breezes. The patio area is popular with patrons and many people sit there. As I was downing my tomato basil and bread, perusing my I-Phone, I could not help but overhear the conversation of the white-haired couple one table over. It looked like a man and his wife; however, it could have been sister and brother. Since she did all the talking, it was difficult to tell.

The conversation had started before I sat and went on for some time as I was there. The subject seems to have been a young man (son?) and the rendition of a very long laundry list of items concerning his job. The items were the distance, the cost of gas, the repairs on his car, situations with co-workers, etc. etc. (her voice dropped). However, the list continued and continued. There was a final wrap up where she concluded that ‘he quit the job and now is working part time here and there and that gives him more freedom to ….’ I lost the last bit. The man during this monologue said not so much as two words. They finally concluded lunch and left. I sat in thought for a few minutes thinking about what I had just heard. This was probably a son or grandson she had been talking about. In retrospect, it was the biggest pile of BS concerning why someone didn’t want a full-time job I had heard in sometime. The sad part is that the woman appeared to accept these long-winded explanations completely and the man didn’t bother to disagree with her. (Does he?)

One week earlier, I had been at a favorite coffee spot having an early coffee. I was again checking messages on my phone while sipping. Another couple was off to the side. A young man, early 30’s with a older male companion. The conversation between the two of them went on and on; with, mind you, the younger man doing most of the talking. Again, proximity made it difficult to not hear. The young man is apparently involved in developing computer game designs. The dialogue about his efforts to be ‘successful’ and get ‘established’ went on for three-quarters of an hour. The game design was peppered with many stories of moving from place to place. Sleeping on his sister’s sofa; moving back down here, etc. etc. I was getting tired of hearing him ramble and the older man finally interjected a few encouraging words, which, like jet fuel, set the young man off again. It was still going on when I had to run out and go take care of some of my work business.

There appears to be a kind of unspoken consensus among people my age, that young people (a lot younger than us!) need to have a lot of ‘space’ in order to be ‘creative.’ The idea of having a plain regular job doesn’t seem to appeal. Somehow, ‘regular’ work kills all creative flame. God forbid you consider getting married and having children. Yikes! Those thoughts in mind, I would like to touch lightly upon the careers of some of my favorite guys and how they handled things in their day. Let’s see if ordinary ‘conventions’ killed the spark.

Charles John Huffam Dickens, 1812-1878 (58)

Married to Catherine Hogarth in 1836 and had 9 surviving children.

Collins, Philip, 8/28/23, Britannica., quote retrieved from Internet. https://www.britannica.com/biography/Charles-Dickens-British-novelist/Novels-from-Bleak-House-to-Little-Dorrit.

Married in his twenties to the mother of his children, Dickens had his problems with the marriage.

“This comes from the correspondence with Forster in 1854–55, which contains the first admissions of his marital unhappiness; by 1856 he was writing, “I find the skeleton in my domestic closet is becoming a pretty big one”; by 1857–58, as Forster remarked, an “unsettled feeling” had become almost habitual with him, “and the satisfactions which home should have supplied, and which indeed were essential requirements of his nature, he had failed to find…”

Regardless of this, Dickens was one of the most prolificate, creative and influential writers of our age. He wrote for newspapers, journals; did essays, novels, short stories and poetry. He was in life and of life for the whole of his career. He was popular with the public and had good earnings.

He was one of the most creative and respected writers of his and our time. All the while, as indicated, being married, having a large family and supporting them (and some relatives.)

Of course, in those days, large families were common. Today, couples and individuals have many more options. A blessing or a curse?

Arthur Conan Doyle 1859-1930

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Arthur-Conan-Doyle- Philip Wilson,update Internet 8/8/23.

Doyle went to school at Edinburgh University and graduated with a degree in medicine and became a practicing physician. In 1885 he married Louisa Hawkins and they had two children. After her death, he remarried Jean Lecke and they had three children.

Doyle started off as a doctor but started to write his famous detective stories for The Strand and became famous in a short period of time. He continued to be a prolific writer for the rest of his life. He wrote short stories, novels, and essays on political subjects. He was knighted for service in South Africa during the Boer War.

Mark Twain – Samuel L Clemens  1835-1910

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Twain, Internet, 8/14/23.

Twain was married to Olivia Langdon in 1870; they had four children. Twain was famous during his own lifetime for short stories (The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.) His novels, Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, for some. He was a celebrated essayist and speaker. He was invited to do world tours and was famous for his wit and political satire.

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It would appear that these extremely famous and prolific writers/speakers were able to be married, have children, work at their craft and support their families. So, what has happened to change all that? Is it just our ‘modern’ attitudes? We have clearly had a revolution with modern birth control methods that drastically alter the choices couples have about having children or not. Is this real freedom or the freedom to remain children forever and never grow up?

I certainly cannot say.

cew