Category Archives: dating

Getting Married – How do you rank?

05 Monday Sep 2022

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How do you rank in terms of age and not being married?

Estimated median age of Americans at their first wedding in the United States from 1998 to 2019, by sex:

 table  column chart

CharacteristicMenWomen
199826.725
199926.925.1
200026.825.1
200126.925.1
200226.925.3
200327.125.3
200427.425.3
200527.125.3
200627.525.5
200727.525.6
200827.625.9
200928.125.9
201028.226.1
201128.426.4
201228.626.6
20132926.6
201429.327
201529.227.1
201629.927.9
201729.928.1
201830.128.3
201930.328.4

Loading statistic…

Additional Information

© Statista 2022

file:///C:/Users/cwebb9/Desktop/%E2%80%A2%20Age%20of%20Americans%20at%20their%20first%20wedding%202019%20_%20Statista.html

So, it looks like both men and women are getting married at an older age every year!

Divorce Statistics by Religion

By Jennifer L. Betts

Catholic

According to research by the Pew Research Center, Catholics had one of the lowest incidences of divorce, with 19 percent having been divorced out of 4,752 interviewed. The Gospel Coalition noted there is a somewhat significant difference between those who are actively practicing Catholics and those who consider themselves nominally Catholic. The coalition found nominal Catholics are 5 percent less likely to divorce than non-religious persons, while Catholics who are actively practicing in their parishes are 31 percent less likely to get divorced than non-religious persons.

Protestant

The Pew Research Center found Protestant individuals (anyone who identified themselves as non-Catholic, but Christian) included 74% of all Christians, and had a divorce rate of approximately 51 percent out of a sampling of 4,752 individuals. However, these were broken down by Evangelical Protestant, Mainline Protestant, and Historically Black Protestant. Of this 74%, the highest number of divorces among this group were the Evangelical Protestants at 28 percent. The Historically Black Protestants had a divorce rate of only 9 percent according to the study.”

Mormon

Mormons had a divorce rate of about 1 percent. Many studies attribute the low divorce rate among this group to the strong emphasis on families and a powerful religious affiliation.

Muslim Divorce Rate

The most comprehensive study on divorce among Muslims was conducted in the 1990s by Dr. Ilyas Ba-Yunas, a professor of sociology at the State University of New York. According to his research, the divorce rate among American Muslims was slightly more than 31 percent. Top reasons for divorce among Muslims, cited by a later Sound Vision survey, include pressures and issues with in-laws, adultery and harem sex, and incompatibility. However, in 2018, the Pew Research Center listed Muslims having an 8 percent separated or divorced rate out of a sampling of 234.

Jewish Divorce Rates

The most recent available study on divorce statistics among those of Jewish faith states approximately 9 percent of those surveyed have been divorced or separated. A 2017 article in The Jerusalem Post reports the divorce rate among members of the Orthodox Jewish faith is on the rise. The reasons for this include changes in society’s values, the desire for instant gratification, and a disconnected world.

https://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_Statistics_by_Religion

The statistics are in-you want to get married and stay married? Find a guy who is active in his church.

The Top 5 Reasons for Divorce

  1. Infidelity. Cheating on your spouse not only breaks a vow—it breaks the trust in a relationship. …
  2. Lack of Intimacy. Physical intimacy is important in any romantic relationship, but it is essential to the growth of a long-term relationship. …
  3. Communication. …
  4. Money. …
  5. Addiction.

Feb 8, 2021

Top 5 Most Common Reasons for Divorce – Orshan, Spann …

https://www.orshanlaw.com

So, actually, the chances of meeting someone special are not usually through online dating sites. Most people met future spouses through friends, at a social gathering and either work or school. So, it helps to have friends!

Read more of Courtney’s writing in:
https://sites.google.com/view/webbywritercom/page-5?authuser=0
Also: Amazon/Kindle

Mr. Right/Mr. Wrong – Getting Married

21 Sunday Aug 2022

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MEN – WHAT ARE THEY AFRAID OF?

“What is he afraid of?” I asked her.

“Everything,” she answered.

So, what are men afraid of? I will pull in some psychological data to demonstrate to you, dear reader, that men are actually afraid of many things. Research into the field indicates that men are actually much more controlled by the emotions of fear than are women. They feel fear more often than women, feel it in greater intensity and more often.

Are men afraid of women? Frequently the answer to that question is yes. Fear of what? Rejection, failure of the relationship, commitment, being taken to the cleaners by a woman, being used and primarily, being hurt. Men do not want to be hurt, especially ‘again’ if they have been hurt before. Why then is dating so ‘easy’ for the 19-23 year old group. A lot of it has to do with active hormones and energy levels, and a fair amount has to do with the fact that most people in this age group have never been married, never been divorced and never had long term relationships of any kind, married or unmarried. Because a guy is not divorced, does not necessarily mean he has not been in a (or several) long term relationships. We have certainly gone from a culture where all ‘respectable’ people got married to one where the social norms and rules for relationships have relaxed quite a bit.

All this means, to the uninitiated, is that public records of relationships may not exist for your current love interest. The best you may be able to do on that score is to listen to what he tells you about his past relationships. Also, pay attention to people that you know who know him and may have known him in the past. What do they have to say about him? Friends of friends can be invaluable sources of information. Does this mean you are checking out your current love interest for his past?

Yes, it does. And you should be. Past behavior is the best indicator of future actions.

So, keeping in mind that men are more fearful, especially of being hurt ‘again’ we can understand their more cautious and skittish behavior around women. When faced with cautious, colt-like behavior, being women, we frequently reboot to behaviors (roles) that are familiar to us. Such behaviors as: the Big Sister, the Nurse, the Confident, the Helper, the Guide and worst of all, Mom. The roles are familiar to us and also to men. They do recognize these attitudes/behaviors in women and do react to them. Frequently in a bad way, such as running fast in the opposite direction. So, what are the biggest fears if men in general?

The 5 Biggest Fears Of Men

1. Failing https://www.allprodad.com/the-5-biggest-fears-of-men/retreived Internet 2022

“Failure doesn’t define you; it’s just something we all experience on the way toward achieving goals.”

Why are we so afraid of failing? Are we afraid of living with the shame that comes with it, disappointing others or perhaps ourselves? Are we afraid of what it might reveal about us, namely that we have limitations that we’ll never get beyond? Perhaps we’re afraid failure will come to define us. 

2. Being Incompetent

We want to know that we have what it takes. We want to be useful, to feel needed. If we don’t have what it takes to accomplish a task, again, what does that say about us? That leads right into the next point. One of the triggers for this is when we lose our jobs and struggle to provide for our families. Know this, we all have certain talents. Find your talents and use them; pour into them in order to help others.

3. Being Weak (or Being Perceived as Weak)

For a man, being perceived as weak is probably as bad as actually being weak. And there is nothing worse, for a man, than being weak. Dr. Brene Brown says that the shame that comes from being perceived as weak keeps men from being vulnerable.

4. Being Irrelevant

We all want our lives to mean something when all is said and done. If you are struggling with this one I would suggest two things. First, find out what you do best and then use it to help others. People are in need of love and care and if you provide that to even one person, you will never be irrelevant.

5. Looking Foolish

“The more you step out and risk, the more you are going to misfire. But you will also have more success.”

This is that thing that keeps us from speaking up in meetings or taking on a challenge. Ultimately, it minimizes our impact in the world.

When fear grips you, remember this quote from Teddy Roosevelt and get in the arena:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

…..

 So, recognizing that men in general are afraid of looking foolish, incompetent, weak it therefore follows that they won’t want to look ‘stupid’ in regards to affairs of the heart. So, as women, we need to ‘lighten things up’ and to stop heaping expectations and demands on the men in our lives.

Additionally, we need to drop the helper role. They are men after all and it is important to keep that uppermost in mind. If you want a perpetual child, get a puppy. If you want a man, you will need to learn to behave as a woman and not as an overgrown nanny – care taker. More on that in the next chapter.

Continued

Roe vs Wade: The Worm Turns

28 Tuesday Jun 2022

Posted by in dating, FRIENDSHIP, kids, marriage, romance, teenagers, Uncategorized

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ROE VS WADE: THE WORM TURNS

Thirty years ago when I was pregnant I was very amazed at the responses, unexpected, that I received from any number of people. I learned that in pregnancy, somehow the whole world seems to own you.

Firstly, I got a referral to an OBGYN from the medical board and went in for a visit. After suffering for 30 minutes with an older male doctor cracking jokes about sex and older women, I had to go to the counter and speak to the nurse. I did that, got my brochures and was told that “pregnancy was a disease” and I needed to treat it like that. Shocked, I rapidly found another doctor.

I was getting my hair cut at an inexpensive salon. The young man cutting my hair told me he thought I was too old to have a baby. I should have reported him to his boss, instead I changed salons. At an outdoor gathering/barbeque with ‘friends”, a friend advised me that ‘she knew someone who could help me out of my problem.’ I looked at her like the Angel of Death and quickly moved away. In addition to that remark, other ‘friends’ (mostly male) worked hard to make me feel ashamed and embarrassed about my condition. Because I was 38 years old and not 18 years old; I was not embarrassed, I got angry, finally.

Recently, when that baby turned 30 and got married, I was again faced with some similar comments. The baby, now a young lady, was engaged to a fella who got a job offer overseas. He could go but she couldn’t go unless they were married. So, the engagement was followed quickly by marriage.

I shared this good news with a ‘friend.’ Her first response was “Did she have to get married?” Unless you have lived under a rock for the last 50 years, you understand that translates into “Was she pregnant and they had to get married?” In other words, my daughter isn’t good enough to get a guy without being pregnant. A year and a half later, I’m still not a grandmother. I am also not talking to that ‘friend’ much  these days.

Since I’m the age that I am; I can remember the days before Roe and the days after Roe. I have known girls who ‘had to get married’ and I have known girls who gave up babies for adoption. In addition to that, I have known women who have gotten pregnant and have been ordered by husbands and boyfriends to get an abortion. I have known the ones who resisted the man’s wishes and said “No, I’m having this baby.” Also, those who buckled under the man’s pressure and got the abortion. Guess who, after all these years, are the happiest and the most unhappy? Spoiler alert, the women who stuck up for themselves and their babies are the happiest.

So, what does this all mean? After centuries of men having children whether they wanted to or not and often more children than they wanted; we have situations where men are not getting the children they want. Women are using birth control, the birth rate has dropped dramatically. Add in abortion rights, the number of unwanted children around has dropped to almost nothing. The worm has turned. Men are having to take responsibility for wanting to have children. They are having to ask, for the very first time ever, asking the woman to please carry their children. How different is that?

Famous couples that broke up over the child issue: Here are three very famous couples that broke up and then remarried, apparently over the child/childless issue. Bruce Springsteen and Julianne Phillips; they got a divorce when she wanted to focus on her career. He remarried Patti Scialfa and has three children now. Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johanssen, they got a divorce and he remarried Blake Lively and they have three children. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston; they got a divorce, he remarried Angelina Joie. They have 3 adopted children and 3 natural children.

My feeling is that if there are 3 very famous couples who have broken up over this issue, there are probably hundreds and hundreds of other couples who have broken up over the very same issues.

For hundreds of years, girls who ‘got into trouble’ were sent away to homes for unwed mothers to have their babies and then shamed into giving their babies up for adoption. These numbers of unwed mothers and ‘unwanted’ babies, at least in this country, have dropped to almost zero. I personally know of couples who are unable to conceive. Couples who desperately want children and are faced with a country where ‘free’ babies are virtually impossible to find. I have seen couples suffer through fertility clinics, surrogate mother scams and painful adoption proceedings.

Roe v Wade will make a lot of people very unhappy. The one sector of our population who are heaving a secret sigh are married couples looking to adopt a baby. I don’t know, maybe the universe is calling out for more babies.

As a society we need to consider why it is that so many young women of childbearing ages don’t want to have children. Why? Is it just the cost? Well, the cost is of course part, but not all. Could it be that we are still caught up in the shame-blame cycles of shaming and blaming pregnant women for their ‘condition’? Do we ever consider that men (of all ages) use women to satisfy their sexual needs? Does it take two generations of women refusing to bear children for men to finally realize that, yes, they too want children? It’s like a thousand country western songs, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

Pregnancy is not a curse or a disease. It is a gift. A lot more people need to start thinking that way. If you don’t believe me, sit down and have a chat with a childless couple. If we supported women and their children more as a society more, maybe there wouldn’t be such a rush to the abortion clinics.

The end.

Cew 6/22

HIDDEN TRIANGLES

10 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in dating, FRIENDSHIP, marriage, Uncategorized

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“I can’t believe it!”

“It’s true. Believe it. He really did!”

The two women went back and forth discussing the latest horror of their intimate social circle.

Their mutual girl friend had been in a long term relationship with a live-in boyfriend. They were all part of the same social group and attended the same events and parties. They had known each other forever.

They were shocked when the boyfriend suddenly (?) up and bolted the mutual apartment. Further shock and amazement followed when the same guy suddenly (?) tied the knot with a brand new girl no less than four months later.

Was any of this really sudden? Would we be surprised to find out that the young man in question had actually been ‘on the hunt’ for Ms. Right for quite some time? While, of course, still maintaining his ongoing relationship and living in the same place. Would the jilted girlfriend be surprised to find out that the signs had actually been there all along? Here is a recent article on the subject. The author is talking about married couples, but for my money, it applies to unmarried couple living together too.

 

6 Signs of Online Cheating

By Francesca Di Meglio

Updated January 31, 2016.

In an ironic twist, technology – meant to keep us more connected – has made our love relationships more complicated than ever. Online cheating – having virtual affairs that include sexting, racy exchanges of photos or emails, and flirtations on social networks without necessarily moving onto a physical affair – is yet another way spouses can betray one another. While in the honeymoon phase, couples would rather pretend that their spouse would never cheat, virtually or otherwise. But the reality is that no one can be certain of their spouse’s fidelity, and even the happiest couple is at risk when it comes to online cheating. After all, the Internet and other technology, such as cell phones, provide easy access to willing partners and immediate gratification. And without actual sex (or even necessarily the option of ever meeting face to face), online cheaters convince themselves that what they’re doing is not cheating.

So, by now, you’re probably wondering if your spouse could get tangled in an online affair (or more than one).

Here is a checklist of warning signs that your spouse is crossing the line and committing online cheating-

SIGNS OF ONLINE CHEATING

 

  1. Password-Protected Digital Devices

Someone having online affairs or reaching out to strangers for cyber sex will keep email and cell phones protected with passwords and pin numbers. You, even as a spouse, will not have access to these passwords. He or she might also be secretive when online by quickly switching Web pages or closing email as soon as someone else walks into the room. If your spouse keeps online or cell phone activity a secret, then he or she could be having a virtual affair.

  1. Secret Social Media Accounts

If you’re not a friend of your spouse’s on Facebook or Twitter, then he or she could be hiding something from you. If you are a friend, do you know all your spouse’s contacts? Even if you don’t know them all personally, do you know how your spouse knows them? Finding out about the people in your spouse’s various social networks and how he or she uses social networking sites is never a bad idea. And your spouse should know the same about you.

  1. Obsession with Responding to Online Contacts

Obsession with immediately responding to text messages, emails, andFacebook or Twitter messages is another sign that something fishy is going on. However, this warning sign must be considered among others. Truthfully, many of us are addicted to our phones and computers, and some of us are using them more for work and less for pleasure or in innocent ways (to get our favorite recipes, chat with our family and friends – not the kind with benefits – and keep tabs on current events).

  1. Leaving a Paper (or Digital) Trail

Look at your monthly cell phone bills and the browser history on your computer. These are telling signs of whether your spouse is embroiled in online cheating or Internet pornography. You can see if you’re spending more on text messages and whether there are foreign numbers on the bill. The Internet history can tell you something about the pages your spouse – and anyone else who has used the computer – has been visiting.

  1. Weird Behavior

One telling sign of any affair is a change in your spouse’s behavior. A spouse who is suddenly extra nice or extra mean could be compensating for an affair. One might be super sweet out of guilt or super mean in the hopes of justifying his or her behavior, according to Everyday Health.

  1. Double Life

Finding out about dual identities online – secret email addresses or social networking pages or a whole other identity in a virtual world – is a betrayal on its own. It’s one that needs to be addressed both as part of a greater conversation about online cheating and as a separate talk about what is a must to divulge.

WHAT TO DO ABOUT ONLINE CHEATING

Whether either one of you is committing online cheating, you should sit down and have a conversation about what you feel is appropriate online behavior for married people. Set some rules for yourselves, so you and your spouse know what crosses the line, and there’s no question about right and wrong down the road. Indeed, some people aren’t even sure online cheating is cheating. It doesn’t matter what the rest of the world thinks; it matters what you and your spouse think.

Always keep the lines of communication open. Secrets about what you’re doing and who you are talking to should not be happening between spouses. You should be open with one another. Once you’re keeping secrets like this, you are putting your marriage at risk. So, talk, talk, and talk some more.

Those who’ve already determined that online cheating is taking place in the marriage should see a marriage counselor or other professional to discuss the root of the problem and whether the marriage is salvageable. Much like other affairs, the person who committed the adultery, will have to regain trust by doing what he says he’s going to do and refraining from the inappropriate activity moving forward. Then, he has to hope his spouse can reach forgiveness.