Are middle aged to older adults pushing themselves and having unrealistic expectations
of their love lives? Do men in particular constantly remind themselves of their 20 year old selves and judge themselves negatively? Viagra is considered to be the ‘cure’ for the sexual ills of aging. Is it? Do the wants and needs of both partners change with age?

I love to do social dancing and was disappointed when my dance studio all but closed for the last year due to Covid. Gradually, as more and more people have been vaccinated, the studio has gradually reopened its doors. I have been happy to get back to dancing and to see many old buddies as well as dance instructors. One of my favortie guys (let’s call him Studley Man, about 24 yrs) is also back casting his charms far and wide (literally). Studley favors blondes and has made friends with every new, young blonde that has come through the door. The mind reels with the though of how many sex partners Studley has had in just the time I have known him. It would be safe to say that Studley is always looking for the ‘next best thing.’ I am reminded of my past when I was in my 20’s and my boyfriend’s brother kept a black book of names close to his bed. He wanted to keep count of his many conquests. Do I want to go back to that? Hell no! Stellar performance in bed is not everything. Anyway, one of several articles by Annie Potts from New Zealand exploring sexual relationships after 40.


Comparative Study
 Social Health Illn

 2003 Nov;25(7):697-719.
 doi: 10.1046/j.1467-9566.2003.00366.x.
The downside of Viagra: women’s experiences and concerns
Annie Potts 1, Nicola Gavey, Victoria M Grace, Tiina Vares
Affiliations expand
PMID: 19774744
 DOI: 10.1046/j.1467-9566.2003.00366.x
Free article
Abstract
While much is known about the efficacy and safety of sexuopharmaceuticals used by men for the treatment of erectile difficulties, there remains a dearth of knowledge on the perspectives and experiences of their sexual partners. In particular, few studies have focused on the possible detrimental effects for women of Viagra use within a heterosexual relationship. In this paper we report on a qualitative study based in New Zealand, which involved in-depth interviews with 27 women whose partners used Viagra. A number of key dimensions were identified, three of which revealed issues and concerns for women regarding the use of Viagra by their male partners: the neglect of women by those producing and prescribing Viagra; the embodied relationship (which encompasses physical and psychosocial effects of Viagra use); and broader socio-cultural implications (e.g the impact of ‘the culture of Viagra’ on understandings about sexuality in older age, and on ideas about male and female sexuality). We argue that while previous medically-oriented research in this area has generally assumed an unproblematic link between Viagra use and the resumption of penetrative sex within heterosexual relationships, more attention needs to be paid to partners’ perspectives and desires, and to the specific dynamics of any given relationship. Moreover, while the publicity surrounding Viagra may potentially facilitate more positive attitudes to sexuality in older age, it may also produce a societal expectation that ‘healthy’ and ‘normal’ life for older people requires the continuation of ‘youthful’ (energetic) sex lives focused on penetrative intercourse.
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