So, what are men afraid of? I will pull in some psychological data to demonstrate to you, dear reader, that men are actually afraid of many things. Research into the field indicates that men are actually much more controlled by the emotions of fear than are women. They feel fear more often than women, feel it in greater intensity and more often.
Are men afraid of women? Frequently the answer to that question is yes. Fear of what? Rejection, failure of the relationship, commitment, being taken to the cleaners by a woman, being used and primarily, being hurt. Men do not want to be hurt, especially ‘again’ if they have been hurt before. Why then is dating so ‘easy’ for the 19-23 year old group. A lot of it has to do with active hormones and energy levels, and a fair amount has to do with the fact that most people in this age group have never been married, never been divorced and never had long term relationships of any kind, married or unmarried. Because a guy is not divorced, does not necessarily mean he has not been in a (or several) long term relationships. We have certainly gone from a culture where all ‘respectable’ people got married to one where the social norms and rules for relationships have relaxed quite a bit.
All this means, to the uninitiated, is that public records of relationships may not exist for your current love interest. The best you may be able to do on that score is to listen to what he tells you about his past relationships. Also, pay attention to people that you know who know him and may have known him in the past. What do they have to say about him? Friends of friends can be invaluable sources of information. Does this mean you are checking out your current love interest for his past?
Yes, it does. And you should be. Past behavior is the best indicator of future actions.
So, keeping in mind that men are more fearful, especially of being hurt ‘again’ we can understand their more cautious and skittish behavior around women. When faced with cautious, colt-like behavior, being women, we frequently reboot to behaviors (roles) that are familiar to us. Such behaviors as: the Big Sister, the Nurse, the Confident, the Helper, the Guide and worst of all, Mom. The roles are familiar to us and also to men. They do recognize these attitudes/behaviors in women and do react to them. Frequently in a bad way, such as running fast in the opposite direction. So, what are the biggest fears if men in general?
We want to know that we have what it takes. We want to be useful, to feel needed. If we don’t have what it takes to accomplish a task, again, what does that say about us? That leads right into the next point. One of the triggers for this is when we lose our jobs and struggle to provide for our families. Know this, we all have certain talents. Find your talents and use them; pour into them in order to help others.
We all want our lives to mean something when all is said and done. If you are struggling with this one I would suggest two things. First, find out what you do best and then use it to help others. People are in need of love and care and if you provide that to even one person, you will never be irrelevant.
5. Looking Foolish
“The more you step out and risk, the more you are going to misfire. But you will also have more success.”
This is that thing that keeps us from speaking up in meetings or taking on a challenge. Ultimately, it minimizes our impact in the world.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
So, recognizing that men in general are afraid of looking foolish, incompetent, weak it therefore follows that they won’t want to look ‘stupid’ in regards to affairs of the heart. So, as women, we need to ‘lighten things up’ and to stop heaping expectations and demands on the men in our lives.
Additionally, we need to drop the helper role. They are men after all and it is important to keep that uppermost in mind. If you want a perpetual child, get a puppy. If you want a man, you will need to learn to behave as a woman and not as an overgrown nanny – care taker. More on that in the next chapter.
I went out the other evening to do a spot of grocery shopping. There is a Dollar Tree store in this parking lot. As I pulled into the driveway, I paused and had to look again to be sure what I was seeing. There was a half naked man behind the Dollar Tree, using the side of the dumpster as a toilet. Then, he was trying to clean himself up with whatever he had available.
The emotions of surprise, shock, disgust all flood my mind. I went and got my items and drove out the same way. The man was still out there, doing what ever.
It is a black eye on our society where people are doing things like this public. This a middle-class neighborhood and I have never in my life seen things like this before. The homeless population grows by the day. The City refuses to fund public toilets because they ‘cost too much money.’ How much are things like this costing us in depreciating the value of our neighborhoods, creating filth, disease and mess that some unhappy worker will have to clean up?
The unemployment and housing crisis in this town is threatening to bring all of us to our knees. We need to address to cause of much of this. Covid of course is out there; however, the escalating cost of housing is outstripping most other problems. We need to try to grasp the fact that commercial real estate transactions have crippled our economy and that goes back to the recession on 2008. The fact that some people get rich while others go into the toilet is not helping. Why do you think that many extremely rich people are moving to New Zealand and remote islands off the coast of Africa? Maybe they remember their history lessons about the French Revolution and want to get out of the way. Here are more articles about the effects that commercial real estate have had and are having on our economy.
Domino Effect: Market Research
2017 – Andrew from DJA, Sacramento “…(we do) careful market research to deliver fair prices….in relation to the area.” (Retrieved from the Internet, 2022.)
What this phrase ‘careful market research’means is that property management companies do market research for the area where their rentals are located. If you remember your statistics or math classes; the rental prices from a geographical area are gathered, (example – one bed room apartments,) the prices of all units are added and then divided by the total number of units to give the average market price for units in that zip code. This appears to be a fair system, until….one owner raises his price, then another does and another and, so on. In a domino effect, as more and more owners raise their prices, this same system therefore creates a rising average price. And this is whether or not the rise in prices is truly justified or not. For example, as seen in recently rising cost of gasoline and other inflationary costs.
Landlords are never required to give an accounting to their tenants for the increased rent and the reasons for it. They simply raise the rent and justify the cost with such market research tools that support their case.
An antidote to rising prices can be that potential renters, when they see a property that they like, when presented with the usual twenty page lease agreement containing endless Thou Shalt Not clauses, add one of their own stating “It is agreed between the parties that a rental increase of not more than (3-6%) shall attach each year.” When the rental company tells the potential renter ‘we can’t do that’ the renter can say, ‘and I can’t rent from you.’ If enough people did that, it would help curb the mad-dog escalating system that is now in place.
The Great Recession was the sharp decline in economic activity during the late 2000s. It is considered the most significant downturn since the Great Depression. The term “Great Recession” applies to both the U.S. recession, officially lasting from December 2007 to June 2009, and the ensuing global recession in 2009.
The economic slump began when the U.S. housing market went from boom to bust, and large amounts of mortgage-backed securities (MBS) and derivatives lost significant value.
The Great Recession refers to the economic downturn from 2007 to 2009 after the bursting of the U.S. housing bubble and the global financial crisis.
The Great Recession was the most severe economic recession in the United States since the Great Depression of the 1930s.
In response to the Great Recession, unprecedented fiscal, monetary, and regulatory policy was unleashed by federal authorities, which some, but not all, credit with the subsequent recovery.
Understanding the Great Recession
The term “Great Recession” is a play on the term “Great Depression”. An official depression occurred during the 1930s and featured a gross domestic product (GDP) decline of more than 10% and an unemployment rate that at one point reached 25%.
While no explicit criteria exist to differentiate a depression from a severe recession, there is a near consensus among economists that the downturn of the late-2000s, was not a depression. During the Great Recession, U.S. GDP declined by 0.3% in 2008 and 2.8% in 2009, while unemployment briefly reached 10%. However, the event is unquestionably the worst economic downturn in the intervening years.
According to a 2011 report by the Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission, the Great Recession was avoidable. The appointees, which included six Democrats and four Republicans, cited several key contributing factors that they claimed led to the downturn.2
First, the report identified failure on the part of the government to regulate the financial industry. This failure to regulate included the Fed’s inability to curb toxic mortgage lending.
Next, there were too many financial firms taking on too much risk. The shadow banking system, which included investment firms, grew to rival the depository banking system but was not under the same scrutiny or regulation. When the shadow banking system failed, the outcome affected the flow of credit to consumers and businesses.3
Other causes identified in the report included excessive borrowing by consumers and corporations and lawmakers who were not able to fully understand the collapsing financial system. This created asset bubbles, especially in the housing market as mortgages were extended at low interest rates to unqualified borrowers who could not repay them. This caused housing prices to fall and left many other homeowners underwater. This, in turn, severely impacted the market for mortgage-backed securities (MBS) held by banks and other institutional investment companies.
Conclusion: this country has gone through a fantastic financial drought caused primarily by the housing and mortgage lending industries. People have lost jobs, money, retirement funds, the where withal to live and some, their lives.
Once again, the tail that wags the dog, the commercial real estate industry is spreading its tentacles throughout this state. The end result will be systems in place that consistently raise the cost of living to the point it is unaffordable to the average person. People give up saving money, taking vacations, repairing their cars and teeth. The owners increase in wealth and power and exert increasing control and pressure on the economy. While sitting in their Cadillac Escalades, making appointments on cell phones that affect the lives of the ‘common people’ who they have neither a connect to nor any care for. Essential, the middle-class and our way of life rots under the heel of designer boots.
The solution to these problems is for individual cities to be given the authority to place a cap on the percent increase per year, allowed to landlords. An increase that is in line with the ordinary increases in salaries would be fair. Since most salaries increase per year by about 3 to 3.5%, so should rents. It is understandable that inflation this last year has out stripped those amounts, but why should renters be responsible for those numbers? An investment company with $20,000,000 in assets can better afford to take the ‘hit’ of inflation than the renter who has less than $2,000 in the bank. Pressure needs to be put on lawmakers in the State capital to make this a priority issue.
It is time to take back the economy from commercial real estate interests. This dog needs a muzzle.
Thirty years ago when I was pregnant I was very amazed at the responses, unexpected, that I received from any number of people. I learned that in pregnancy, somehow the whole world seems to own you.
Firstly, I got a referral to an OBGYN from the medical board and went in for a visit. After suffering for 30 minutes with an older male doctor cracking jokes about sex and older women, I had to go to the counter and speak to the nurse. I did that, got my brochures and was told that “pregnancy was a disease” and I needed to treat it like that. Shocked, I rapidly found another doctor.
I was getting my hair cut at an inexpensive salon. The young man cutting my hair told me he thought I was too old to have a baby. I should have reported him to his boss, instead I changed salons. At an outdoor gathering/barbeque with ‘friends”, a friend advised me that ‘she knew someone who could help me out of my problem.’ I looked at her like the Angel of Death and quickly moved away. In addition to that remark, other ‘friends’ (mostly male) worked hard to make me feel ashamed and embarrassed about my condition. Because I was 38 years old and not 18 years old; I was not embarrassed, I got angry, finally.
Recently, when that baby turned 30 and got married, I was again faced with some similar comments. The baby, now a young lady, was engaged to a fella who got a job offer overseas. He could go but she couldn’t go unless they were married. So, the engagement was followed quickly by marriage.
I shared this good news with a ‘friend.’ Her first response was “Did she have to get married?” Unless you have lived under a rock for the last 50 years, you understand that translates into “Was she pregnant and they had to get married?” In other words, my daughter isn’t good enough to get a guy without being pregnant. A year and a half later, I’m still not a grandmother. I am also not talking to that ‘friend’ much these days.
Since I’m the age that I am; I can remember the days before Roe and the days after Roe. I have known girls who ‘had to get married’ and I have known girls who gave up babies for adoption. In addition to that, I have known women who have gotten pregnant and have been ordered by husbands and boyfriends to get an abortion. I have known the ones who resisted the man’s wishes and said “No, I’m having this baby.” Also, those who buckled under the man’s pressure and got the abortion. Guess who, after all these years, are the happiest and the most unhappy? Spoiler alert, the women who stuck up for themselves and their babies are the happiest.
So, what does this all mean? After centuries of men having children whether they wanted to or not and often more children than they wanted; we have situations where men are not getting the children they want. Women are using birth control, the birth rate has dropped dramatically. Add in abortion rights, the number of unwanted children around has dropped to almost nothing. The worm has turned. Men are having to take responsibility for wanting to have children. They are having to ask, for the very first time ever, asking the woman to please carry their children. How different is that?
Famous couples that broke up over the child issue: Here are three very famous couples that broke up and then remarried, apparently over the child/childless issue. Bruce Springsteen and Julianne Phillips; they got a divorce when she wanted to focus on her career. He remarried Patti Scialfa and has three children now. Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johanssen, they got a divorce and he remarried Blake Lively and they have three children. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston; they got a divorce, he remarried Angelina Joie. They have 3 adopted children and 3 natural children.
My feeling is that if there are 3 very famous couples who have broken up over this issue, there are probably hundreds and hundreds of other couples who have broken up over the very same issues.
For hundreds of years, girls who ‘got into trouble’ were sent away to homes for unwed mothers to have their babies and then shamed into giving their babies up for adoption. These numbers of unwed mothers and ‘unwanted’ babies, at least in this country, have dropped to almost zero. I personally know of couples who are unable to conceive. Couples who desperately want children and are faced with a country where ‘free’ babies are virtually impossible to find. I have seen couples suffer through fertility clinics, surrogate mother scams and painful adoption proceedings.
Roe v Wade will make a lot of people very unhappy. The one sector of our population who are heaving a secret sigh are married couples looking to adopt a baby. I don’t know, maybe the universe is calling out for more babies.
As a society we need to consider why it is that so many young women of childbearing ages don’t want to have children. Why? Is it just the cost? Well, the cost is of course part, but not all. Could it be that we are still caught up in the shame-blame cycles of shaming and blaming pregnant women for their ‘condition’? Do we ever consider that men (of all ages) use women to satisfy their sexual needs? Does it take two generations of women refusing to bear children for men to finally realize that, yes, they too want children? It’s like a thousand country western songs, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
Pregnancy is not a curse or a disease. It is a gift. A lot more people need to start thinking that way. If you don’t believe me, sit down and have a chat with a childless couple. If we supported women and their children more as a society more, maybe there wouldn’t be such a rush to the abortion clinics.
However, where do most of them live? Well, the answer may surprise you.
Countries With Most American Expats
First off, this chart won’t include U.S. military personnel. Moreover, since governments collect information on immigration in various ways, there’s no way to provide factual information about the number of American immigrants in each country.
The chart was sourced from the U.N. International Migrant Stock at Mid-Year by Sex and Region, Country or Area of Destination, and Origin.
What country has the most rich and poor? Is this what is happening in the US? Are we becoming the land of the rich and poor? Why does it take two armed Country Sheriffs to guard the local Walmart store during the day?
Top 10 Countries with the Highest Wealth Inequality (World Bank Gini index):
South Africa’s income inequality has become worse over the years. The top 1% of earners take home almost 20% of income and the top 10% take home 65%. That means that 90% of South African earners take home only 35% of all income. ________________________________________________________________________
China, India and the U. S. are projected to retain the top three rankings as the countries with the largest middle-class populations, according to World Data Lab. Slow or negative population growth in some advanced economies will lead to a shrinking middle class in countries like Japan, Germany, Italy and Poland.(World Data Lab – Bloomberg).
(Note: The WDL study uses 2011 dollars at purchasing power parity.)
First Published: Fri, September 03 2021. 06:36 IST
GDP = Gross Domestic Product
And PPP = Purchasing Power Parity (per capita/per person on average)
United Arab Emirates
As you can see, The GDO and PPP (Gross Domestic Product and Purchasing Power Parity of the US: is 50% of that of Luxemburg and Ireland! Are we gradually slipping behind?
Bottom of Form Public Land Management and Land Ownership in ArizonaPublic Land Management and Land Ownership in Arizona There are 72.9 million acres of land in Arizona. Approximately 12.9 million acres, or 18%, in Arizona are privately owned. Approximately 9.6 million acres in Arizona, or 13 %, are managed by the State of Arizona. Approximately 20.1 million acres in Arizona, or 27 %, are held in trust by the United State Government for native Americans. Approximately 30.3 million acres in Arizona, or 42 %, are owned by the citizens of the United States. These public lands are managed by the USDA Forest Service, the National Park Service, military organizations, and USDI Bureau of Land Management
Search Resultshttps://chamberbusinessnews.com/2022/03/23/bill-to-lower-arizona-commercial-property-tax-inches-closer-to-passage/ As rents skyrocket, commercial owners seek to pay less tax. The meteoric rise of homelessness is clearly linked, in part, to rising rent prices.
“Arizona commercial property makes up roughly one-fifth of the property owned in the state, and yet we pay around one-third of the total cost incurred by property taxes,” said Tim Lawless, the president of CREED, Commercial Real-estate Executives for Economic Development .Mar 23, 2022
Every resident in the state needs to know that commercial real estate investors are not your friends. They are not your neighbors, they won’t be your neighbors, it is unlikely they will ever live here. They don’t care about the city, the state, the wildlife or the schools. They are here for one reason only and that is to make money. They will then take the cash and live in very expensive and exclusive places (maybe New Zealand or some small island) and leave the residents to deal with homelessness, gangs and crime.
The residents of AZ need to curb the influx of commercial investors of properties that turn us all into the rental poor with no hope of ever buying a home. If the influx cannot be stopped (or we don’t want it to) the people of the state need to put a lid on the rapidly escalating % of rent increases that are happening all over the state. If this does not happen, the middle class drain out of the state will continue and increase. We will be left with a situation that is occurring in California where the cities are becoming composed of the rich, the poor and the gangs.
This state, much like what has happened in California, will not only become not affordable, it will become unlivable. I clearly recall a story told to me from a California transplant. She sold a nice home in Victorville for a loss because the homeless had become so aggressive around the grocery stores, middle-aged housewives were carrying guns in their purses. That is starting to happen here and we need to stop it.
“I congratulate Chief Magnus on his appointment and am grateful for his dedicated service and contributions to our community. I look forward to working together with the Commissioner on key issues affecting Southern Arizona,” Tucson Mayor Regina Romero was quoted as saying in a news release.
As head of the TPD, he had more than 1,100 employees. As CBP commissioner, he will lead a 60,000-worker department.
President Joe Biden in April nominated Magnus for the position, citing his “lengthy career” in law enforcement and experience working in a border state.
“In Tucson, Magnus implemented de-escalation training, sentinel event review processes, and programs to promote officer health and wellness. Because of Tucson’s proximity to the border, he has extensive experience in addressing immigration issues,” read a statement from the White House.
Magnus has spent more than four decades working in public safety. He began working as a dispatcher and paramedic in his native Lansing, Michigan before becoming a sheriff’s deputy.
He became chief of the Fargo Police Department in North Dakota in 1999 and took over as police chief in Richmond, California, in 2006.
The Tucson City Council on Tuesday, Dec. 7, unanimously approved Tucson Deputy Chief Chad Kasmar to take over as chief.(City of Tucson)
Also on Tuesday, the Tucson City Council unanimously approved the promotion of Deputy Chief Chad Kasmar to take over for Magnus. The position went into effect immediately.
“During his 21-year career at the Tucson Police Department, Chad Kasmar has earned the respect of our Tucson community as well as fellow officers. Chad has proven himself to be a collaborator who sees public safety through a holistic lens and shares my vision of Community Safety, Health, and Wellness,” Romero said.
Kasmar has been a member of the Tucson Police Department since 2000, and was promoted to Deputy Chief in 2016.
He is a graduate of Amphitheater Public Schools and the University of Arizona and has spent time in several divisions with the TPD. Most recently, Kasmar served as the interim director at 911 Communications.
Romero says she will ask Kasmar to go on a “listening tour” with community members to further develop his goals for the department.
No matter how infidelity occurs, there are things that the cheater always regrets. Here are at least five things that these people regret after they have a romance outside of their marriage or relationship:
1. Not realizing what they had before
Cheaters are egocentric people who put their desires above anyone else’s. They have no problem putting everything on the line for something they want. No matter what sort of relationship they are in, they tend to find a new “target,” and go for it.
“I knew I loved her, but I had no idea how deep my feelings for her were when I decided to be unfaithful to her,” a 29-year-old man explains in an open letter to an infidelity specialist. People who are unfaithful regret not realizing how much they loved their partner.
2. Feeling like they need to be unfaithful to be wanted
People who cheat are egocentric, but behind the façade is great insecurity. This person is someone who previously used seduction as a tool to measure their acceptance. They lack confidence when they aren’t actively involved in a romantic “chase” for affection.
They dream of falling in love with someone and being able to stop feeling like they need to seduce someone to know their value. These people fall in love, but they have an innate “need” to know that they are still irresistible. This is when they start to feel tempted.
3. Not confessing their infidelity (or not being able to control it)
One of the most common traits in people who are unfaithful is that they think they can control everything. They think that if they cover it well enough, no one will see it.
In the previous letter to the infidelity specialist, the man explains, “I had almost completely forgotten about this event until one day, I was napping at my girlfriend’s house and she woke me by slapping me across the face.”
She had discovered his infidelity, and she wasn’t happy. After a while, they were able to resolve the issues and get back together, but her trust for him wasn’t the same as before.
4. What they’ve done will deprive them of freedom
People who cheat love freedom, and infidelity can be a way of using that freedom in their eyes. However, when one partner is unfaithful, the other will never give them the freedom or trust they once had.
This leads to future partners being unable to trust them, and leads to a life of imprisonment instead of freedom.
5. How much pain they caused their loved one because of their mistake
The chances of living happily ever after once an affair is discovered isn’t likely, but it’s possible. Statistics show that only 31% of marriages last after the affair has been discovered or admitted to.
People who are unfaithful to their partners regret causing their loved one so much pain and heartache. Even if the couple decides to stay together, it’s very hard for them to have a trust-based, happy relationship.
If you’re thinking about cheating, just don’t do it. You have everything to lose.
Mariel Reimann, FamilyShare
Mariel Reimann is the Content Director at KSL Latino. She’s studied law at the National University of Cordoba, currently resides in Salt Lake City, Utah. Email: email@example.com
In the days when I lived and worked in the LA area, I lived in ‘The Valley’ (San Fernando Valley) and commuted into the ‘city’ to attend meetings, hearings, speak with people, so on. Part of my beat was Beverly Hills, Century City, Belair, West Hollywood, etc. All the very exclusive areas. I mostly used the 405 freeway, sometimes the 101 and some side streets. The commute to the city would start before 8 am and the commute back from the city began at about 2 pm. In all this stop and go traffic, I began to observe certain things.
What I began to see (when I paid attention) was the large number of pickup trucks, driven by men, with various tool boxes and gear in the back. I would see the trucks going south in the am and see the same type of vehicles going back north in the pm. Back ‘north’ was the Valley and then further north, Santa Carita, Canyon Country and further north, Victorville. I began to realize that the middle class folks, to include the butchers, bakers, and candlestick makers, could not afford the ‘city’ and were migrating north to affordable housing. In that commute, they were taking their skills with them.
It appeared that the 45 minute to 2 hour drive (depending on the time of day) was adequately offset by their work compensation so, they kept doing it. I began to realize something else. In Beverly Hills and neighborhoods of the like kind, the people who could afford to live there were the rich, the people who cleaned their toilets and washed their cars. No one else.
What happens when the housing is so expensive that no amount of commuting will offset the cost? There are areas in California now like Oakland, Santa Cruz, places in the Silicon Valley, where the cost of living is so great, they cannot attract workers. I was at the swimming pool recently and a young man shared that he had just taken an engineering job in that area. I know that he must be making pretty good money, however, he indicated the price of rent was ‘eating his lunch.’ I wonder how long he will last?
Three and a half years ago I left California, my home state, to come to Arizona. It had become impossible to live on retired pay plus part-time jobs with the cost of living. When I came here my rent was a comfortable 26% of my salary. Now in just 3.5 yrs, it has jumped to an uncomfortable 34% of my salary. During the same time period, my salary cola increases have been 3%. That plus the rising cost of gas, I am having to check the fridge to see if I have enough food.
Who does this benefit? Well, the landlords of course. But what happens when the cost of living drives out your middle class and you don’t have anyone to fix your expensive houses, expensive cars and teach your children. Who wins? Try no one.
Greed has its price. One that I don’t think our society has even begun to calculate.
Article: Chase Bank
Ideally, your monthly rent payments should leave you with enough money left over for bills, groceries, a bit of non-essential spending, and even savings. Here’s how you can figure out how much of your income should go towards your monthly rent.
The 30% rule is a general guideline that renters can follow, but they should also take into account other expenses and factors. For instance, if you have credit card debt or student loans to pay off, consider finding an apartment with rent below 30% of your monthly income, so you can put more of your budget toward reducing your debt.
Why you shouldn’t spend over 30% of your income on rent
If you have to spend over 30% per month on rent, you’ll have less money left over for bills and important purchases, making it more difficult to build savings. Make sure that your monthly rent payments don’t prevent you from paying off credit card debt or loans: your rent shouldn’t cause you to fall deeper in debt.
If 30% doesn’t work for you
The 30% rule does not always perfectly align with your budget. When determining how much you can reasonably pay in rent per month, there are some other things to consider before you say no.
Try the 50/30/20 rule
The 50/30/20 rule is a popular method to follow when determining your expenses in your monthly budget. The rule entails spending 50% of your monthly income on essential expenses such as rent, monthly bills, and groceries, spending 30% on non-essential purchases such as going out to eat, and putting 20% into your savings account. If your rent pushes above 30% of your gross income, by limiting your monthly bills, you may be able to keep rent + bills less than 50%.
Work down loans and debt
When you have considerable debt to pay each month, putting 30% of your income towards rent may still be too much. While finding a cheaper place to live can help you afford all of your essentials, consider working through debt reduction programs to shrink your monthly debt payments so you can put more money towards where you live.
Tidy up your spending habits
If you frequently eat out at restaurants, spend money on entertainment, or travel, consider how these expenses affect your monthly budget. If you would rather live in a more spacious apartment or more appealing neighborhood, cutting back on these extras can help you afford your new space.
Think about where you live
If you live in an expensive area, you may have to spend more than 30% of your monthly income on rent. To maintain a balance in your monthly budget, find ways to decrease your spending in other areas to live comfortably or find other areas to live in for less.
How to calculate 30% of your available income for rent
To find your gross monthly income, take a look at your most recent paycheck and find the line calling out “Gross Pay” (what you’re paid before taxes, health insurance, 401k, and any other benefits are removed from your pay).
Calculate your monthly Gross Pay
If you receive a paycheck every two weeks: Multiply your Gross Pay by 26 (to see your 52-week Gross Pay) then divide that number by 12 (to see your monthly Gross Pay).
If you receive a paycheck twice a month: Multiply your Gross Pay by 2 (to see your monthly Gross Pay).
Does 30% work for you?
If 30% of your Gross Pay is more than you’re currently paying each month in rent, then you’re at a safe level for housing. If 30% of your Gross Pay is less than your monthly rent, many financial professionals would suggest that you find a more affordable home
How to reduce your rent to 30% or less of your income
Split the rent with roommates
Sharing an apartment with roommates can help bring down the monthly rent costs per person. If you can find one or more roommates to comfortably share an apartment with, you immediately save a bit on your rent.
Russia must not be humiliated in Ukraine, Emmanuel Macron has said, to allow an improvement in diplomatic relations between the west and Moscow whenever the war comes to an end.
The French president said his Russian counterpart, Vladimir Putin, had made a “historic and fundamental” error in invading Ukraine, but that nevertheless a wider escalation in hostilities had to be avoided.
Giving an interview to a group of regional newspapers in his home country, Macron said: “We must not humiliate Russia so that the day the fighting stops, we can build a way out through diplomatic channels.”
The role of France was to be that of “a mediating power”, the president added, saying he had put “time and energy” into ensuring the conflict did not escalate into a wider war, including negotiating with the Russian president.
“I have lost count of the conversations I have had with Vladimir Putin since December,” Macron said. They amounted to 100 hours’ worth, he added, which were “at the request of” Ukraine’s president, Volodymyr Zelenskiy.
Macron has consistently sought to engage directly with Putin and has repeatedly called for a ceasefire in the conflict, including on an 80-minute phone call at the end of last month with the Russian leader and the German chancellor, Olaf Scholz.
That has led to periodic accusations that the French leader wants Ukraine to make concessions to secure a peace agreement, although the Élysée Palace says any peace agreement must be negotiated between Putin and Zelenskiy, showing “due respect for the sovereignty and territorial integrity of Ukraine”.
None of the discussions, however, appear to have borne fruit. Russia’s invasion of Ukraine passed the 100-day mark on Friday, with little sign of the war ending amid heavy fighting in the eastern city of Sievierodonetsk.
Macron said he believed Putin had “isolated himself” and did not know what to do next. “Isolating oneself is one thing, but being able to get out of it is a difficult path,” the French president added.
A collection of this year’s best stories With this collection of short stories and poems, Indian publisher Shail Raghuvanshi managed to immerse us in powerful words and characters that take you inside their hearts. In these snippets of life, you learn something about yourself, allowing you to bring some power into your own life.
From a ‘love story within a love story,’ magic on a stage, nostalgic memories, and smoky bar friendships, this collection provide profoundly empathetic portrayals of various human experiences.
You’ll laugh and cry as you sink into world after world, character after character. Love lost, love found, and love redeemed. Romantic love, platonic love, and the unexpected – all these stories and poems celebrate love just like it is in real life. First, you’ll forget yourself as you read. Then, upon surfacing, there is the possibility to know yourself and others anew.
‘Love is in the Air’ is a collection of 20 poignant love short stories and 9 feel-good love poems.
≈ Comments Off on Mr. Right/Mr. Wrong – Getting Married
Courtney E. Webb – except from the book.
1 Corinthians 12:31-13:8a A reading from the first Letter of Saint Paul to the Corinthians
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
Meeting Mr. Right – The Five best places – good and bad
Meeting Mr. Right through friends: This can be a very good thing, often. It can also be….not so great. How many times have friends with really good intentions who insist on their need to set you up with a friend. And, to accommodate your friend(s) and to keep everyone happy, you go along with the date(s) and have a smile frozen on your face the entire time. Then, try to explain to the well intentioned friends, how do you say, “He’s just not the one.” It seems like no matter what you say, it’s the wrong thing. He’s their friend, right?
What’s the answer?
Maybe, the answer is just a few words beforehand with your friend(s) that you agree to go. However, if things don’t click you will let them know and please, maybe, no hurt feelings? At least, aim for that.
Meeting Mr. Right at Work: This is often a great place to meet the right guy. Why? It’s a neutral backdrop, you are both usually on somewhat the same footing. You can have a sense of security that the individual has been vetted, to an extent. That is not an iron clad guarantee that everyone you worked with is a poster child for mental wellness and health.
Dating the boss: Wow! Hot potato, this one.
Do real occasions of love occur between the boss and the worker? Yes, it can happen. It can also be a case of infatuation, also hero worship, seeing the man at his best, in his best clothes, shoes, haircut, teeth brushed, with the professional face on. The same can be said for you; the best clothes, hair done, makeup on, best shoes, etc. When you feel the love bubbles coming up, take a moment to image the same man, just getting out of bed; sleep in his eyes, bad breath, rumpled clothes, unruly hair and maybe grumpy. Just hold that mental image for a moment to have a brief reality check.
Is he married?
Many men don’t wear wedding rings for whatever reason. Most women wear wedding rings in the US, although in some other countries, even women don’t wear wedding rings. Also, many men are really good at hiding the fact that they are married. Examples: no wedding ring, no pictures of her or them on the desk. Also, no conversation or comments about her or them. And, this can be particularly the case when they are speaking to a single woman.
So, now what? Probably if there are really feelings there, I would suggest putting on the brakes before doing anything (sleeping together) and work at getting either transfered to some other unit or maybe another job. And if there is really something there, you will be having more conversations with this individual. You both need to decide how to resolve these (work/marriage) issues before things blow up and you (and he) end up as the center of the cafeteria gossip.
Lastly, many companies, institutions have written guidelines about these situations. The end point being that one or two people could end up losing their jobs over this stuff. So, walk with care.
Meeting Mr. Right in Social Settings:
Meeting at church:
I go church every week. I frequently go on Saturday evenings because that lets me either sleep in on Sunday or to get out and go hiking before it gets hot.
Almost every week I see a threesome sitting ahead of me. Because I am an observer of people, I quickly figure out that this is a mom and dad couple and their adult daughter. The daughter is the one I find the most interesting.
This young woman is in her twenties, somewhere, and resembles the mother very much. The mom and the daughter get up at the end of every service and do the collections together. Very commendable. Then the young lady sits down again with her parents and they all leave together.
Now, question. What chance does this young lady have to ever meet anyone when she is so glued to her parents? What is that about? Try none.
If you are in your teens, it is perfectly understandable to sit with your parents. Maybe even on holidays like Christmas, High Holy Days, etc. But the rest of the time? Chart your own path – different church, different times, so on.
Going to church is often not enough. Get involved. Do go to coffee, do go to dinners and mixers. Do go on retreats and conferences. Engage in activities that allow you to do more than just say “Hello” and “Goodbye.” What else are you doing with your time? Watching the next Netflix series?
Bars and Restaurants that serve alcohol:
Okay, drinking. Well, it is true that not every person who drinks in a bar is an alcoholic. There are people who actually go to bars to have fun and socialize. And, it is also not true that every marriage that had its start in a bar is doomed to failure. However; many people in bars and particularly, who are in bars on a regular basis, are alcoholic. Bars are their home away from home, maybe even their true home. If you find yourself out with the girls on a Friday night after work, looking to relax and unwind, it’s okay. But….is it every Friday night? Saturday night, Thursday night, Sunday night? Now, this is what we start to call a pattern. For you.
If you suspect there may be a problem, get out a calendar and chart, for a month, all the days you seem to gravitate to bars and restaurants where you and your friends drink. If it is a really regular pattern, you are starting to swim in deep waters and the water will only get deeper.
Break up the pattern and find other things to do. If your friends only want to go ‘hang out’ at bars, maybe you need to find some new friends. When I was working in South Korea, I would go out on Friday night with a group of teachers. We would end up in any one of local of bars. Even though I don’t drink, I would wake up on Saturday morning with a headache and feel for the rest of the day like I was swimming underwater. I can’t really explain it. Maybe it was all the cigarette smoke or just getting home at 2am. Whatever, I just didn’t like how I felt the next day.
When I started to resist going out to bars Friday after Friday, my betsy teacher friend dropped me. What was that all about? Well, clearly, it wasn’t about me. I ended up hanging with another group of friends who were also non-drinkers and who wanted to go out, eat somewhere and chat. In the end, I wound up having a much better time. And, no hang over!!!!
Lastly, if you feel like you just cannot resist the lure of the bright night-lights and the call of the drink, you may want to think about how big a piece of your life all this is taking. It might be time to talk to someone about it. And by someone, I don’t mean your mom or your girlfriend. They will just pat you on the arm and tell you not to worry. I mean someone who deals with addiction issues and there are lots of people and institutions like that in the phone book.
Social dancing of all kinds is a really great way to meet new people. Generally, dance lessons at many places are group lessons and can be had for as little as $8 a lesson. You will need a pair of dance shoes (smooth soles) and a good attitude. You will be dancing with any number of instructors and ‘students’ who have been dancing for many years, and yes, they will be a lot better than you. Don’t be discouraged, hang tough, keep coming back and you will improve.
Dance is an excellent way to meet new men/women. Again, it is a ‘neutral’ setting (not yours and not his) and gives people a bit of social distance to decide if they have any real interest or not.
Gyms can be a great place to lift weights, take a swim, a sauna or take an aerobic dance class. They can also be good places to meet people. However, don’t go there just because you need a date. Gyms can get expensive and you don’t want to invest a bunch of money into something you are not really interested in. Find a sport or activity (swimming, tennis, racquetball, Zumba) that you like to do and pursue that. You are more likely to find like-minded people who share a common interest with you.
Well….. It’s okay but not my favorite. Why? Have I done online dating? Yes, I have. And, don’t believe the rumors that Prince Harry met Meghan online, they were introduced through friends.
I have done online dating, and what have I learned? For starters, about 40% of men online are married and are looking to ‘fool around.’ Many men online are looking for quick, cheap (no strings attached) sex. There are men online who are not who and what they say they are. I have met any number of men who post photos of themselves that were taken twenty or thirty years previously. Then, you meet the man and say “Is this even the same person?” Online sites are notorious for spawning online money scams. I ‘met’ such an individual, tall, good looking, French, engineer, hum….interesting. It was all interesting until he asked me for $500 to help bail out his daughter who was stranded someone without funds.
And, if you think it is only women getting scammed, news reports are filled with scam stories involving men and women. One of my best male friends talked about going on dates and not being able to recognize the woman he eventually met in person.
You would almost be better off with your Dungeons and Dragons nerdy Thursday group.
There are always other ways to meet people and make friends. John Lennon met Yoko Ono at an art gallery showing. You can met people in the grocery stores, at concerts, in the mall, in galleries, walking your dog, etc. One of the best ways to meet people that ensures a bit of light conversation are volunteer opportunities.
Last Thanksgiving, I volunteered to work at the Salvation Army dinner for two days. There were tons of guys working those shifts. Many were married, but not all of them. And, you are there together working for a common cause, the common good and it all feels right. It can also be a lot of fun!
PART TWO – GETTING CLOSER
He asks you to go to Singapore. Or, Palm Beach, or Palm Desert or the beach or the desert or to coffee.
The point is, he is asking you if you want to do something, in the future, with him. In an abundance of caution, many men will structure ‘dates’ as group activities with other people. This can be church, choir, coffee groups, and movies, whatever. It’s okay. It takes off some of the pressure of ‘too much togetherness, too soon.’ After all, what do the two of you have to talk about….yet? Group hikes and walks are wonderful ways to get to know other people. The atmosphere is relaxed, you’re outside, and the sun is on your face. A wonderful way for you and your ‘date’ to let your guard down and to be yourself.
There are numerous dating sites online that are good and have pretty good advice. On YouTube, I like Matthew Hussey Dating Advice, which is good listening for young women. For older women, I like Engage at Any Age – Jaki Sabourin. YouTube can be a good source for men too, getting back in the game. Think of it like putting oil in the engine.
Matthew Hussey is sincere, has been doing this for a while and is a very straight shooter. For older women, who face different challenges with men, it is a good site to review to realize other people are having similar problems and to not get completely discouraged and give up hopes of ever dating again.
Back to he asks if you will be on the hike (board game, choir meeting, church service, etc.) next Sunday. You say yes and go.
Then what? Is this a DATE or a date? It is a date (small letters). This is a getting to know you date which is way different from a we-have-been-dating-six-months-and-it’s Valentine’s Day date.
This is a getting-to-know-you date. Let’s not overwhelm everyone with expectations and demands. If you go on the hike and get along, as has been referenced in several YouTube dating sites, don’t turn it into: let’s have coffee, let’s go to dinner, come over to my place, boom!
Don’t do it. Allow the date and your partner, to process thinking and feelings about you. Also, likewise, allow yourself some time to process your feelings. Are you interested? A little, some, a lot? None? Again, let’s stop thinking desperation, I have to grab the first person I can get! If we think in desperation terms, everything is black or white, the end result will be a sure reflection of that thinking. Desperate!
So, if the ‘date’ is coffee, you can say yes and casually ask some other people to go along. The presence of others softens the occasion so it doesn’t run the risk of becoming Too Important!!!! If that doesn’t feel right, just be clear in your own mind that this is a date only. Don’t expect a marriae proposal!
You ask him to go to a group breakfast, lunch (not dinner – too formal), a group hike, walk, volunteer event. You are there in your natural element, you are with friends, and you are relaxed. The very best setting to be in. You are your best self. This is the perfect backdrop for conversation. It’s not too formal, not too dressed up and not too ‘special’. Unlikely that your parents or other relatives will be there looking over your shoulder and asking pointed questions like “Who is that guy?” Which then leads to more awkward questions and answers like “Just a guy,” “A friend.” At which point, someone (your mother) begins to roll her eyes and sigh. Jeese, who needs that pressure?
As a matter of fact, while we are on that point, keep most of your dates away from your parents (family) unless you want your mother to run out and start buying all the latest issues of Wedding magazine. Give everyone, including yourself, a break.
Is there such thing as love at first sight? Well, maybe. Personally, I think it is more like attraction at first sight and that can certainly happen. Love…hum.
People need to process.
I compare this to making coffee in a drip pot. You put in to ground beans, you pour in the cold water and then…you wait and let it drip. After waiting the appropriate amount of time, viola! You have coffee.
This really applys to many men. Compare this process of making coffee to the brains of a lot of men. You pour the information in, you let it sink in and then….they process and you….wait.
How can I miss you if you never go away? To quote that old song. How can your potential partner either miss you, think about you, consider the relationship, make decisions about the relationship if you never leave them alone to think? Again, don’t overwhelm the person. Allow time for them to process feelings, about you, about themselves.
It may mean that after two (little) dates the man may decide – not interested. It may be after knowing you in the hiking group, the choir, the church group, the class, the whatever. This person may like you but not enough. Not enough to take the thing to the next level, to continue seeing you, to make it more serious.
Wow! That hurts doesn’t it? It’s called rejection and that is why it is so difficult for guys at a dance to ask a girl to dance (unless they have been drinking). They are terrified of rejection.
However; let us think about this rejection thing. Does it hurt? Yes. Were we interested, yes? What has it really done to us other than make us feel badly (for a while) and get our feelings hurt (some?) If the ultimate goal is long term relationship, engagement, marriage…do we really want to throw ourselves (physically) into a relation where, ultimately, we get dumped? Is that not harder on us, more socially embarrassing, more difficult on family and friends who were thinking, ‘Maybe she found someone this time?’ Does it not really take less of a toll on our emotions and physic?
There are all kinds of movies and books that catalogue the lover who can’t take no for an answer (Fatal Attraction – Mike Douglas). Books and movies on the subject are too numerous to count. Don’t be one of those very sad people. Learn to take and accept reject as just part of the dating game. Also remember, that probably more than once you have dished it out too. So, adopt a philosophy about it, such as, Not Meant to Be or your own version. We don’t always see the total global plan and something better just might be around the corner.
THE BOOTIE CALL
And I’d really like to see you tonight – England Dan and John Ford Coley
Look it up girls, it’s on YouTube. It’s a very famous and very romantic song about having a relationship with no ties and no real future, but, he would really like to see her tonight. Of course.
Is it a booty call? If you are asking yourself that question, it probably is. Now, if you are really in the need of a bootie call, you know the person, you have taken proper precautions (you know what they are, you learned this in junior high,) then enjoy the time together. You might feel really good and energized for days after.
However; girls, do not engage in endless romantic fantasies about this and what it means. Do not start shopping for rings and white dress fabric. This is the time to confide in your best friend. Ask questions. “Do you think this is just a physical thing?” Your best friend (not your mother) is probably the one who will be straight with you. She is the one who is mostly likely to say “Yes, sweetheart, that is exactly what this is.” Ouch. Once again, slightly hurt feelings.
Let’s go back to the idea of, is the PM (potental mate) really interested? Ask yourself: does he talk about the future, does that future include you, you and him together, does he make plans that include you? Are you meeting his friends, his co-workers, his family? Do you only see him at night, at his convenience and mostly, at your place? Do you ever go out to eat, go to the movies, walk in the park, etc., normal things that normal people do? Do these get togethers almost always exclusively revolve around sex and perhaps, a fair amount of alcohol?
Okay, then. Put on a few Band-Aids. You have had some fun. Don’t confuse this ‘relationship’ for a real relationship. Also, don’t waste a lot of time with this guy. Be prepared to move on at a moment’s notice. You are after all looking for Mr. Right and not Mr. Right now. If he keeps calling you, ignore the calls. He will get the message. After all, he wants what he wants and if not you, then….
If he is particularly persistent, you might have to change your phone. Sigh. Ah, me. Keeps life interesting.
Who Do You Call – Ghost Busters!
Suppose for a moment that you have a nice extended family; mom, dad, sister, brother, friends, so on. Usually speaking, if something weird happens ( you get the flu, Covid, run out of gas, have a foot in a cast and so on) you can call on one of these people for gasoline, water, juice and so on, as needed. Great, right?
Let’s imagine another scenario. Mom and Dad are on vacation, your brother has moved out of state and your sister and her new husband went on the cruise with Mom and Dad. Your friends are all busy, busy working. You run out of gas, break your toe, lose your house key – who do you call?
Someone who will help you out, willingly, no strings attached, without resentment and with no real expectations of payback (sexual or otherwise.) Do you have such a person in your life? I have found, more times than one, the people or person I could call was a gay friend, not a straight friend. I have had a number of gay friends in my life, both male and female. They have been uniformly the most giving and caring people I have met. When I really need a friend, and I really hate to ask for this thing (whatever it is), my gay friends step up when I would never, ever think of asking a straight guy the same thing.
Unfortunately, straight guys seem to mix up almost everything with sex. The slightest effort at conversation at the gym is translated into some kind of pick up line. It had gotten to be so bad for me, I rarely speak to men anymore unless they speak to me first. I have been dancing at social mixers when my partner (of five minutes) is at pains to explain to me how married he is. I do believe the next time a man does that I promise to say “Oh good, well then, you should certainly be dancing with her,” and just walk off the floor. Men confuse niceness with sexual aggressiveness all the time. Can’t tell if is fear on their part or wishful thinking.
Anyway, when you run out of gas, and need a lift, you don’t want to feel like you have to ‘pay’ for your mistake later down the line. Now, maybe you do have a friend you can call (of either sex) who is willing to help you out. Good and cherish that friendship because there aren’t many like that out there.
THE ALPA MALE – SPORTS
Let’s face it, what woman doesn’t crave a big, strong man-virile and husky? It harkens back to the cave hunter days when men used to hunt down dinner and drag it home.
Of course, these days we mostly don’t live on the veldt and big game hunting is sort of passing out of style…still. In modern day’s terms, how does the modern man recapture those he-man hunting days? Sports!
Any of you that spent time recently watching the Super Bowl would have to admit, I believe, that the rough and tumble of the playing field today is just about a brutal as any historic caveman would have wanted. Now, for the sidelines, us.
Tune into ESPN any day of the week (while you’re at the gym on the treadmill) and you will have a chance to enjoy a mind numbing array of programs, announcers, presenters, athletes, father of athletes, coaches, team members and so on. And on and on. Who can keep up with all the names and numbers? The entire field of sports, sports figures, their satistics and lives are daunting. Is this is what is required to be the good girl friend?
No. No more would most guys expect you to go hunting in a duck blind or ice fishing in a hut. They love that stuff! Let them have it and enjoy, don’t be jealous, you would hate it! However, if you ever expected your boyfriend to go with you to a chick flick (The Proposal, The Notebook, Jungle Cruise, all Disney movies,) you need to give the Devil his due.
Important Dates: Super Bowl Sunday. Usually in February. This is the High Holy Days of sports. To miss (or dismiss) this day is almost sacrilege. Mark it on your calendar, make it an event. Someone almost always hosts a party; go, take a dish, invite your girlfriends. Make it an event and even you might learn a little about football and be able to carry a one minute conversation about the game.
Kentucky Derby Day (May) – big with horse fans. Again, host a party, women wear hats, serve mint julips. Have fun and while the men are screaming at the horses you can casually fan yourself and sip iced tea.
Opening day for baseball. (Summer) Do you have to go to every game? No. But opening day is big. Get tickets for a local team, maybe college. The pro-games are priced for, well, pros. Again, make it an event, invite friends, he invites his friends. Maybe one of your girlfriends will meet someone nice. Win-win. Check it off your list.
Football/soccer – opening day (fall). Again, every game? Not hardly, but how about at least one; he will love you for it. Go before it gets too freezing cold. Men love that stuff. Once you have done your duty, you can snuggle, guilt free at home with a good romance novel and paint your nails!
Sports for you – in the interest of keeping the weight down and the healthy flush to your cheeks, you too should have at least one sport. Something you like, not something you hate because then you won’t do it. Explore and experiment, what do you like? Walking, power walking, hiking, swimming, biking, bowling? Try your hand and see what you gravitate too. If you try to ‘stick’ to something you really hate, (example) 10 speed racing, to meet men, you will get discouraged and give up. If you meet ‘him’ at one of these events, he will become disappointed that you don’t want to do this event anymore. Give both of you a break, keep to what is real for you.
Continued on in the book. cew
Read more of Courtney’s writing in: